Sheenie Ambardar, MD is a Los Angeles-based Integrative Psychiatrist with 16+ years of experience in Adult Psychiatry. Dr. Ambardar sees patients throughout California and New York via telehealth and specializes in the diagnosis and treatment of adult men and women with Depression, Anxiety, ADHD, OCD, Panic Disorder, Narcissistic Abuse, Binge-Eating Disorder, and a host of other common mental health concerns.

Are you experiencing any of these conditions? Concierge Integrative Psychiatry may be the solution you need. At The Happiness Psychiatrist®, we address the root causes of these issues—and many more—as well as give you the resources to build a fuller, happier life.

‍

‍

The attraction between empaths and narcissists can feel absolutely magnetic. For empaths, the pull comes from a deep desire to help and heal, while narcissists are drawn to the unwavering attention and care empaths provide. 

Unfortunately, a relationship with this dynamic often spirals into a toxic cycle of manipulation and emotional exhaustion. 

While the romantic connection may seem powerful and magnetic, it frequently leaves the empath drained and the narcissist unfulfilled.

‍

RELATED: Healing Complex PTSD (C-PTSD)

‍

Empath vs Narcissist: 3 Striking Differences

‍

Imagine a magnet. Magnets have two ends: the north pole and the south pole. 

Opposite poles of the magnet (north and south) attract each other, while 'like' poles (north-north or south-south) repel each other.

That's why we say “opposites attract.” 🧲

These differences are what attract you to each other— but they can also be the reason your relationship eventually becomes so difficult to manage.

‍

1. Empathy vs. Self-Centeredness 🔺

Empaths feel others' emotions— deeply. So much so that you often prioritize others over yourself.

You’ve probably had instances where you didn’t necessarily want to help someone. But you ended up doing it anyway. 

While it’s unhealthy to give all the time without receiving, it may bother you more not to give at all.

On the other hand, a narcissist typically prioritizes themselves and their own needs without a second thought.

For example, when you express hurt or concern, a narcissist might respond by saying, 

“You’re too sensitive,” or “You’re overreacting.”

‍

This leaves you questioning your emotions and makes it more likely you'll suppress your feelings in the future.

‍

2. Genuineness vs. Manipulation ⚠️

Empaths value authenticity. Even if you want to be more selfish, you may find it hard to be this way because it’s genuinely not who you are. 

You may prioritize others because you can deeply sense their pain & joy. 

• If they’re happy, you want to keep the mood going— even if you’re emotionally exhausted.

• If they’re sad or mad, you want to fix it— even if it’s not your fault.

When you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, you might not even know what it feels like to have your needs prioritized. 

Let’s say your partner cancels plans (again). When you bring up how it upsets you that they keep doing this, they might respond with, 

“I’ve just been so overwhelmed with work lately. I appreciate how understanding and patient you are. You’re the only person who gets me.”

‍

Their charming words and flattery deflect attention away from their behavior. This is a form of manipulation because you end up feeling guilty for making a reasonable request.

‍

‍

3. Healing vs. Hurting ⛑️

In my practice, empaths who have one or more narcissistic parents often end up in friendships and relationships that have a similar dynamic.

This may be because you’re used to burying your own emotional needs. You likely try your best to meet the narcissist’s wants but still end up feeling like you’re doing something wrong.

The dynamic of not prioritizing your own needs is familiar and energetically comfortable.

Let’s say you spent weeks organizing a surprise birthday party for your partner, pouring your time and effort into every detail to show how much you care. 

The day comes and your partner criticizes the party because it isn’t exactly what they want. They might say something like,

“Why did you choose these decorations? They look pretty dumb.”

‍

Instinctively, you may feel like you did something wrong and question yourself. Deep down, these comments sting because you feel perpetually under appreciated. 

Maybe you plan nice things for your partner because they never received this generosity as a child. You’re simply trying to help. Subconsciously, however, you may be trying to heal their (and your) childhood wounds.

It may not even be that the narcissist is actively choosing to be cruel — just as you can’t help your innate sensitivity.

‍

RELATED: Women's Holistic Mental Health Care

‍

‍

So What Do Empaths and Narcissists Have in Common?

‍

‍

It’s your magnetic differences that create the illusion of “sparks” and fuel your mutual attraction. 

But it’s the shared traits of empaths and narcissists that are a reason for your underlying incompatibility. 

For example, you both likely possess:

• Intensity: You're both drawn to intense emotions and experiences (for different reasons). Empaths often seek deep connections, while narcissists crave admiration.

• Desire for Control: Narcissists seek control over others to maintain a sense of power and ego, while empaths try to control situations to maintain harmony and manage their own anxiety.

• Fear of Abandonment: Both of you may struggle with abandonment fears. Narcissists often mask this insecurity with arrogance. Empaths frequently mask their fear by over-giving.

‍

RELATED: The Advantages of Seeing an Online Psychiatrist

‍

5 Reasons Empaths and Narcissists Shouldn’t Be in a Relationship 

As an empath, you tend to put others before yourself which can be a beautiful trait. However, it can also make you more vulnerable to narcissists and predators who thrive on taking advantage of others' generosity and naiveté.

It's important to remember that the key to a fulfilling relationship is balance — a healthy give and take. If you're always giving and the other person is always taking, the relationship eventually goes sour and becomes unsustainable.

Here’s why relationships between empaths and narcissists often fail, as well as what to look for in a partner from the empath's point-of-view:

‍

1. You’re naturally reserved 🌷

Empaths often struggle with assertiveness. You might find it challenging to vocalize your needs and when you finally do, they may be quickly shot down or ignored. 

What To Look For Instead: A partner who values and respects your thoughts, ideas, feelings, and emotions. This might feel new to you if you're used to suppressing your own needs and putting others first. 

As an example, a narcissistic partner might frequently cancel plans last minute and thank you for your understanding.

A supportive partner on the other hand, would check in with you beforehand, discuss any potential scheduling conflicts and offer to reschedule ahead of time. This difference in behavior shows a simple respect for your time and schedule.

‍

2. Your point of view matters 👋

In relationships with narcissists, your perspective is often overshadowed by theirs.

For example, if you and your partner disagree on whether to save or invest money from a recent bonus, a narcissistic partner might insist on investing it in a high-risk venture and dismiss your preference for saving it in a modest, interest-bearing account.

What To Look For Instead: Someone who encourages you to look at the world through your own eyes, not just through theirs. 

In this scenario, a supportive partner might suggest you write a list of pros and cons to think through your options.

While they may share their own experiences and perspectives, they’ll ultimately support you in making a decision that is right for the both of you. 

This kind of support helps you learn to trust your own voice and express it more confidently.

‍

3. You’ll flourish with another empath 🦋

Narcissists are often very charming initially, but their charisma can be a facade that obscures a more mean-spirited, critical nature.

For instance, if you finish a tough project at work and share the news with a narcissistic partner, they might respond with a dig like, 

“You were lucky,” or “Anyone could’ve done that.”

‍

Over time, these comments can make you question your own abilities.

Emotional abuse, even if it is subtle, can deeply affect your self-confidence and self-worth.

What To Look For Instead: You would likely thrive with another empath because the dynamic would be completely different.

After finishing a challenging project, an empathic partner would not only celebrate your success but would also take the time to ask how the experience felt for you. They might say,

“That’s incredible! I’m so proud of you. Tell me everything!”

‍

‍

‍

‍

4. You’ll become more confident 💪

Narcissists can make you doubt yourself by undermining your choices, values, and beliefs.

For instance, if you’re excited about starting a new hobby (say painting), they might say, 

“Do you really have time for something that frivolous? That seems like a waste.”

‍

This makes you question your own decisions and desires. Over time, this constant dismissal erodes your self-confidence and makes you more dependent upon the narcissist for approval.

What to Look For Instead: A supportive partner who encourages your passions and interests. If you share a new idea, they might say,

 “That sounds like a great creative outlet! What interests you about painting?” 🎨

‍

An empathic partner will ask you questions with genuine curiosity, boosting your self-confidence while respecting your independence.

‍

5. There won’t be constant competition 🤼

In a relationship with a narcissist, everything can feel like a competition. 

For instance, if you’ve been working hard to lose weight and finally reach your fitness goal, a narcissistic partner might respond by shifting the focus to themselves by saying, 

“I’ve been losing weight, too. You lost 10 lbs but I’ve lost 20” 

‍

This kind of response creates an environment where you’re always craving genuine support and validation.

What to Look For Instead: A supportive partner will celebrate your achievements without making it all about themselves. When you hit a fitness milestone, they might say, 

“You always look great, but I’m happy for you! How do you feel about it?” 

‍

They’ll cheer you on and celebrate your successes, creating a supportive and encouraging relationship free from competition.

‍

How To Leave the Relationship 👒

It can be difficult to leave a relationship that has such a strong connection. But remember: This connection is sparked by your differences, not by your shared values.

Staying in a toxic situation for too long only hinders and delays your own personal growth and mental well-being. If you’re not sure how to leave the relationship or if you want to work on yourself to gain the courage to make a change, I encourage you to seek guidance. 

I can help you navigate the challenges of this relationship dynamic, rebuild your self-esteem, and create a realistic plan for a happier future. 

Schedule a call with me today, and let’s work together to help you create the fulfilling and happy life you deserve. 💗

‍

‍

FAQs on Empaths and Narcissists

‍

What does a narcissist do to an empath?

A narcissist often manipulates and drains an empath emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Here are some examples:

‍

• Constant Complaints: A narcissist might complain about small things, like the way the empath dresses or the type of food they cook.

• Unrealistic Demands: A narcissist might expect the empath to always be available to them, even during personal time.

• Gaslighting: A narcissist might dismiss the empath’s feelings about a forgotten anniversary or a missed call, making them question their own perceptions.

• Inconsistent Affection: A narcissist may alternate between praising the empath for their athletic ability one day to criticizing their taste in music the next.

• Emotional Blackmail: A narcissist might use fear, guilt, and obligation to manipulate you into doing what they want.

‍

Can an empath outsmart a narcissist?

Outsmarting a narcissist isn't about ‘winning’ per se, but about safeguarding your own mental health.

Empaths can protect themselves by setting strong boundaries and quickly recognizing manipulation tactics like the ones described above.

‍‍

Can empaths be narcissists?

‍Some people may have traits of both empathy and narcissism, depending upon their environment and circumstances.

These individuals might show empathy in some situations but act selfishly in others.

‍

How does a narcissist treat a woman?

Narcissists often regard women as objects to be admired or controlled. They may initially shower a woman with attention and affection, only to later manipulate or devalue her.

For example, a narcissist may employ: 

• Excessive Flattery: Showering you with compliments and gifts, then later criticizing or belittling you.

• Love Bombing: Overwhelming you with affection in order to win you over, then ignoring your needs once your guard is down.

• Conditional Support: Supporting and agreeing with you when the narcissist wants something, but becoming dismissive later on once they feel secure in the relationship.

‍

Can a Narcissist Change?

Change is difficult for narcissists because their behavior is deeply ingrained and tied to their fragile self-image. However, change is possible under the right conditions:

‍

• Willingness: A narcissist must recognize their behavior as problematic and be willing to change. This is often the biggest hurdle.

• Therapy: Professional help, particularly therapy focused on personality disorders, can help a narcissist develop more empathy and create healthier relationships.

• Accountability: Consistent accountability from loved ones and professionals is crucial to ensuring that therapeutic progress is made and maintained.

‍

While it’s always possible that a narcissist may change, it’s important for empaths to recognize that it is not their responsibility to make this happen.

‍

‍

‍